I always felt a little confused about my sexuality growing up

By Party Nails

I always felt a little confused about my sexuality growing up

originally posted on Instagram on September 19 2023

 

I always felt a little confused about my sexuality growing up; I defaulted to feeling “unhot”, yet fearless, with cis men. It wasn’t until I met other queer people that I began to consider identities out of the paradigm I’d been living in. I knew I was queer, but I didn’t know how. I loved being a woman, but I didn’t feel similar to the women I knew and loved. I felt like a boy that was a girl, that was happy to be a girl that was also a boy. I wanted to BE Simba and rescue Nala, but I also wanted to be NALA because she was so COOL. It never confused me—I grew up with my dad telling me I could do anything I wanted if I set my mind to it and a mom telling me about bygone eras of matriarchies and gender multitudes—I just found myself slightly invisible depending on the company I was keeping. I don’t care what pronouns are used for me, they all feel silly, so she/her is plenty fine 🤪 There will be songs about this journey that I can’t wait to share with you, and other writing. Right now I can say that hindsight is 20/20 that my fearlessness with men was my best attempt to get ahead of the sexism that was inevitably going to rear its ugly head, and this effort superseded any real curiosity about who I was actually attracted to. The truth is that I am pan—only attracted to people I have an emotional connection with, regardless of their gender expression. Hot people mean nothing to me if I don’t enjoy their company. I have always felt this way and always been a bit perplexed as to how so many uninteresting people were considered hot 😂 also I was so scared of not being queer enough for the queer community I had found to be so comforting in such a binary world—but of course I didn’t need to be scared because queer people are the kindest in spite of all obstacles (generalizing obviously, but also, pretty true) and it takes one to know one. Anyway that’s me, and I’m playing a @queersound event this Thursday 9/21 and I’m so looking forward to being in that room!!! If you’re in Los Angeles come on out and catch me raw and unplugged and PANSEXUAL 🥳🤘🎤🎶